When I get to the end of the school holidays, I wonder how I do life and have a full time job.
But today, on this last day of the Jan holidays 2015, I feel okay about it all. I didn’t this morning, nor in fact for the days leading up to this last day. I actually have felt panicky inside……about what I haven’t done, and seriously needed to, and can I go back to work and do it all again. Can I again drag myself beyond my own inadequacies.
No one can get inside your head to know what its like to be you, judgemental people can, people who punctuate their sentences with the word ‘should’ can.
Today I caught up with three of my fav on demand programmes. At 10.30am when the world was doing its thing I was sitting watching a screen………….something happened at the end of those 3 dramas. Something was purged in my soul by those 3 stories, all human, all about love and the worth of humans and family………..the malaise had lifted and I knew I was ready to do stuff. Stuff I hadn’t done in the holidays like haircuts and pay a few bills.
Why have I been paralysed and incompetent………..I don’t really know.
But at the moment it has passed.
Yes I will go back to work with the same old worries and my same old strengths………and I will do it again.
Before I go back tomorrow I am going home via the gallery and cut some paper and get out on the road and shoot some paper. I have been wanting to visit the farm next door and drive my car down the races with my darkbox on the back of my boot. There are some fallen down trees, and I can relate to them sometimes…..but even fallen things can be beautiful.
Will share that with you later.
If you haven’t checked out my images, here’s a couple of links.