It’s a funny thing to me when we say in conversation words like this, ” to be totally honest with you”, “If I am honest with you’, or “to tell you the truth”. I know the intent of these words and what they mean, and that the intent is basically good and taking words to another level, but as a passionate communicator they leave me with several thoughts, and I have had these germinating for a while.
One is that I always only want and need honesty from you, and hopefully I will be mature enough to cope with that……….and its true, sometimes I am not mature enough for honesty. I need your honesty to help me grow up.
The other thought is that, well if you are telling me that you are going to be honest now, what are you telling me the rest of the time. Untruths, partial truths, or what I want to hear.
What started this on such a beautiful day here in Whangarei New Zealand.
Well last week wasn’t beautiful for me, in fact it was a dam hard week for the VagaBond, and I started to say……….to be honest with you……….and in that moment I caught myself doing what I had come to see as a curious statement. It happens so easily.
Honesty is not a premium quality in today’s world. Politicians for example are experts at denying things vociferously and telling straight out lies in their denials or cover-ups, but lying with the fervour of being honest. I have always thought honesty would be ground zero.
Corporations deny knowledge of things they darned well knew about re products, actions or workers. Fonterra is a case in the news this very day. Gazillions lost in export earnings and damage to NZ’s clean green image around the world. The truth is they knew about the current problem that has hit the headlines 10months ago but had been hoping it would pass, but we will not hear that from their lips.
Honesty doesn’t pay sometimes.
Some sections of society are dishonest in that they do not ask themselves some hard questions about what they are thinking and spouting to the world.
Honesty does take commitment and courage. Honest is not always comfortable or get you ‘in’ with others……….honesty can be lonely. I am not talking about the being true to yourself that leaves you hurting others by your commitment to honesty and raising that virtue above being loving and caring.
The honesty that I am talking about here is the honesty that looks at what other people really think and the effort to understand where they are coming from, and why.
It’s the kind of honesty which will test and entertain the unique thought that you may be, or have it completely wrong!
Some of the ugliness in the world, and the perpetrators of that ugliness are people who don’t have the honesty to think they may be wrong or that there may be another way to skin the cat. They cannot shift to another position to think and examine, theirs is the only position, they only read in this chair.
Sometimes I have found that the truth, which is what honesty exists for ……the truth is in the middle.
So I want your honesty always, be gentle with me because I can be pathetic and may get ugly with your honesty………but I need it all the same. Risk that for me.
I want to live with the honesty that I may not always be right, and be open to others…………….
I guess in some ways, the statement itself is lovely……….it gets conversation down to a level where its heart…………to be honest with you…………
Those are some VagaBond thoughts………..on this beautiful sunny day….and happy kids outside my office window, good music playing…………yep, may just be a better week as I am honest with myself.